This was supposed to be an art blog...

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
gothiccharmschool
stjohnstarling

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Now complete and free to read!

Father Ardelian has been summoned to a distant, secluded island to perform an exorcism. What will happen when he begins to suspect his host — the mysterious, nocturnal lord of the manor — of wanting him for another reason entirely? Will the piously celibate priest be able to resist his host’s diabolically seductive charms?

Read What Manner of Man here! 🦇

The tags do not lie:

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stjohnstarling

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Join ussssss 🐍

gothiccharmschool

I have been DELAYING finishing reading What Manner of Man because it’s so entertaining and I want to savor it. Also, go support @stjohnstarling’s Patreon. You will be glad you did.

queue i have now started reading this it is DELIGHTFUL love me some queer vampire fiction wonderful reccommendation thank you very much ms venters! GAY GOTHIC VAMPIRE NOVEL WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT
partywithponies
rainrebel-moved04012021

the dynamic between heinz doofenschmirtz and perry the platypus would probably come off as v romantic and gay if they were two people in a similar age range rather than a dude and a platypus. no i dont ship them but think about it. villainous monologues are already a very romantic and gay thing in itself (don’t question me on this you know im right). listening to somebody ramble excitedly about something they’re proud of is even more romantic and cute af. also doofensmirtz is already gay anyway. the only thing preventing this from becoming Peak Gay is the fact that perry is strictly professional and also a platypus. thanks for coming to my ted talk

the-malevolent-platypus

“Perry is strictly professional and also a platypus”

I love the fact that “professional” is the first reason and “platypus” is the second, because this is extremely plausible for Perry.

“Yeah no I can’t fuck I’m on duty”.

micaxiii

one of Doofenshmirtz’ dates ditched him for a whale

darkwingsnark

Let us also pop bottles for the time Doofenshmirtz had to help his ex-thwarty call’s current nemesis become desirable for punching again. 

girlwholovesturtles

I think there was a scene where Peter and Perry were having dinner together at a fancy restaurant. But that was before Doofenshmirtz stopped being evil.

journal-three

what the fuck is going on in Phineas and Ferb

looney-mooney

Also Perry is arguably one of the smartest characters on both shows when it comes to deductive reasoning, common sense, and social intelligence. He could tell just by looking at a room exactly what happened there a few hours ago. He can problem-solve on the fly, and does so very often. He has basic engineering skills (or at least, “basic” for this universe, which is kinda masterful for our universe), and can communicate complex thoughts to others despite being physically incapable of speaking English (he even knows ASL!) To claim that Perry the Platypus is incapable of providing consent simply because he isn’t human is a disservice to his character. And honestly, if we’re going by the anthropological definition of “human” (bipedal, opposable thumbs, ability to communicate complex thought), then he is by all means “human.” He’s just… A Human Platypus. …?

romansleftshoulderpad

Also Doof is legally an Ocelot

romansleftshoulderpad

It’s canon. In the OWCA Files. Him legally being an ocelot is what allows him to be an agent.

i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing

Yeah, in one part of his long, tragic backstory, he was abandon and raised by ocelots

ironwoman359

I was wondering when someone was gonna bring up the ocelot thing

looney-mooney

@oceanic-panic-panic bold of you to assume that Perry doesn’t let himself get trapped on purpose at least 2/3 of the time. Perry always escapes the traps. And he always waits for Doofenshmirtz to finish monologuing before escaping from them. It’s part of their routine, something they both expect: Perry bursts in, gets trapped, patiently listens to doof’s rant of the day, escapes the trap, fights his nemesis, and blows up the Inator. Whenever this routine is broken, they work to maintain it anyway - I can think of at least like 3 instances where Perry purposefully, politely traps himself, and several more where Doofenshmirtz gets impatient and sets Perry free from the trap himself so they can fight.

Perry getting trapped isn’t a sign of some intellectual folley - it’s a sign of his incredible problem-solving skills that he can escape them so easily, and a sign of his social intelligence that he knows to politely wait until his nemesis is ready to stop venting and start fighting.

But why does Perry need to be trapped for his nemesis to vent? Easy. Doofenshmirtz is a victim of severe child abuse, and needs to feel as though he’s somewhat in control of the situation before allowing himself to be vulnerable. Perry being trapped makes him feel safe, and Perry catches on to this. It’s an intricate social dance that none of his coworkers have mastered, the ability to communicate with and accomidate for a villain with special needs. And though it takes the whole summer, they eventually don’t even need the traps, because Perry makes Heinz feel safe.

candace-gertrude-flynn

Did you know that…?

1.Doofenshmirtz isn’t evil anymore,allowing Perry to date him

2.Romance betweet animal/human isn’t frowned upon in the Dwampyverse

we even got humans falling in love with inanimate objects, albeit played for laughs

adhdoofenshmirtz

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Foeplay*

strangewomanwithanefariousagenda

where’s that post about the OWCA agents just being emotional support animals for the “evil” scientists

adhdoofenshmirtz

HERE

adhdoofenshmirtz

I’m surprised at how nobody mentioned how much the show ships them itself. It’s not just the fans’ whim

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(Not pictured: the whole Peter the Panda’s arc)

In conclusion: The show wants you to ship them

adhdoofenshmirtz

EVERYBODY WAKE UP. It’s canon now. (one sided at least) Checkmate. The post is over

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dwampyverse-content

I FINALLY SAW THIS IN PERSON AND IT’S GOTTEN EVEN BETTER!!!

silent0nyx

IT JUST KEEPS GOING???

adhdoofenshmirtz

Do you like the colors of Perryshmirtz?

phineas-and-ferb-heritage-posts

phineas and ferb heritage post

queue a masterpiece surprisingly well-written shitpost
stubbornasacat
fairycosmos

what are you even supposed to do when youre angry.  cant scream at anyone cos im not a dick. cant break anything cos i paid money for that. cant rip my hair out cos i need it on my head. literally what now

clementimetodie

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ch-ch-ch-ch-cherrybomb

Not to be That Guy, but all of these are great ways of letting your nervous system know you are safe and can release stress!

queue this could come in handy someday stress save ref oooh good ideas guys thanks
stubbornasacat
what-even-is-thiss

Yeah I saw the lovecraftian horrors and didn’t succumb to madness. What- no I’m not a cultist, James. For Christ’s sake. What you’re forgetting my friend is that HP Lovecraft wasn’t a flexible man. His brain simply wasn’t stretchy enough to take it all in. I however, have short term memory issues. Flexibility is the name of the game when you can’t remember if you ate lunch or not. What’s the size of the universe? Big. You knew that already, James. Come on now. You don’t need to witness the terrifying ocean at the base of the entirety of reality itself to know that. Pass the brandy.

what-even-is-thiss

You must imagine the character I’ve created here wearing a suit and a monocle, by the way.

thesilvertophat

During a Eldritch Horrors based tabletop RPG my character was a young dandy who wasn't particularly interested in all this monster mystery stuff but his father (my brother's character) was a researcher who WAS very into it, so Bertie went along to make sure the old man didn't get into too much trouble. It was your average Eldritch Horrors RPG in that you don't make your characters with the expectation that they will survive for very long, both the game itself and the genre are very intent on turning your characters inside out, driving them insane, and blowing them up in no particular order.

The thing was, everything in this nightmare hellscape just seemed to keep coming up Bertie because the man was too stupid to realize what genre he was in. Every time he had to roll for a sanity check whenever he saw something crazy, the dice treated him so well that he just... didn't get it. Gee that sure is a funny costume. There's something wrong with that dog. These mean guys in stupid hats are trying to hurt that young lady, we can't have that! I had not built him this way, his intelligence stats weren't even that bad, random chance just made it so that this man was living a scooby doo adventure while everyone else was being consumed by The Horrors.

The final straw was at the end of an adventure when Bertie escaped from the cultist headquarters by breaking out through the mansion's front window on a motorcycle with a hot rescued sacrificial maiden clinging to his back and leading the cultists on a merry chase through the hedge maze while the other adventurers escaped. His sanity score? HIGHER than when the adventure had begun. He had found the whole experience quite thrilling and felt very good about life in general!

Bertie retired from adventuring to marry the maiden he rescued and care for his aging father and delight and bemuse his friends at the gentleman's club with stories of his 'wacky' adventures. I didn't want to risk breaking his ridiculous lucky streak.

queue surprisingly well-written shitpost i love bertie